you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
