There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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