I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
