meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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