so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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