Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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