It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
