Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
