How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
