dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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