You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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