I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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