FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
