its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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