cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
