oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
