remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
