he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
