I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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