a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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