My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
