I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's just like the Real World with babies
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
