I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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