Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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