i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
