The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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