Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
