i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if only i could text you this smell
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
