i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
