there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
