I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need water and some morals
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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