I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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