So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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