Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
