Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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