i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Randomize
