The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
