I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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