So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
