The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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