I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
