The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
