its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
