How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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