For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
