If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
