you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
