So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
