i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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