why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
