it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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