I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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