told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
