around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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