I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
