i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
