This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize