I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
