My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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