Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
