i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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