holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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