Kiss
Puke
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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