She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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