Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize