they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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