fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Alive.
So much puke
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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