That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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