I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
