I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize