It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
