3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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