I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
