i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
