After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
