Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
