I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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