i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
